Only In My Dreams

I had been studying my lessons in Chem for almost an hour now, busy scanning my notes and outlining the important points of our lesson. It was a beautiful afternoon outside the dormitory, but I was stuck here in my room, preparing myself for a very busy week ahead of me. It was indeed a good afternoon for a nice walk, or a simple strolling around the nearby mall. But for me, that was another lazy Sunday afternoon, with nothing to do and no one to be with. I wasn’t in the mood to text my friends back at home, to ask them what they were up to or if there’s anything new around the neighborhood. Unlike my first few days here in Manila, I’m not very eager anymore to answer back their calls or to reply to their endless thread of text messages. I guess, by now, I could say that I was already adjusted to the new environment.

I was already tired and sleepy, since my head was already filled with anything about that subject. And so, I decided to take a short nap. A nap that would help me relax and unwind, so that I could be able to move forward and study other subjects as well. As I closed my eyes, I felt like I was leaving the real world, and I’m going to a place where all the possibilities can happen, and all the impossible could actually be real.

I went into my subconscious state of being, and it was like I suddenly remembered all the things that I already forgot. It was like I went back to being a child gain, seeing myself do the things I used to do and be with people I used to accompany. I saw myself playing with my old playmates again, looking very happy with even the simplest things, like learning to ride the bike without the help of a balancer, or eating Iced Candy while riding the bike under the pouring rain. Then I saw my best friend walk towards me, she held my hand and told me, “Halika Aprille. Samahan mo ako. Bili tayo ng Lollipop.” Then I saw myself smile and gladly went with her. I don’t exactly remember having this kind of conversation with my best friend. But out of the blue, it came into my dream. As if reminding me to be happy with just some random things in life, like the candy thing. If you’re going to look at it in a physical kind of way, a lollipop is just a very basic thing. It’s even very cheap, with only one peso to spend. But what matters is that the event that reminds you of how a simple lollipop can make you happy. Sharing the basic things in life with important people makes it worth like you’re the richest person on earth.

I blinked, and I saw that I was transported to another event that I almost forgot. I still remember this, but I don’t remember all the details anymore. But I know that this really happened. It was around seven in the evening, and it was a blackout. I was out of the house since I got nothing to do, and I was with the same group of childhood friends. We were sitting on a bench outside my best friend’s house when suddenly little sparks of light came flashing through the darkness. I could see how my friends’ faces lit up when they saw that it was fireflies that came in this dark night. Then they started jumping and tried to catch one. It was very simple indeed, and it was very childish to be amazed by this little insects. I remembered myself also being like this. Happy, amazed, and contented to see all of us with a huge smile on our faces just because we greatly appreciated the little surprises that life has to offer. I feel ashamed that I’m not like this anymore. It’s like I grew up with a very appreciative group of people, but I was not able to maintain that feeling. Nowadays, I could still appreciate the little quirks of nature. But the feeling of joy was not the same level as before. When I was a child, I would look at the sky and say, “Wow. Ang ganda. Ang ganda ng pagka-blue ng sky.” But now, I would just look at it like it’s nothing. Like it was just a plain, blue mantle over me.

There are so many things I miss about my childhood. So many classic memories that will always be there, but some have learned to fade away. Just like my childhood friends, one by one they started to fade. Fade as in they started to distant themselves from our group. Some transferred to another place, one migrated with his family to a very far country, while some just haven’t got the time anymore coz they got busy with other things. There are so many things I would always remember, simple things that taught me great lessons in life.

Once again, I was transported to another phase and time of my life. This time, I was at home, and my mom and my brother was there. We were all looking happy with each other’s company, each with a glass of our favorite malt drink and watching variety shows that we used to watch. Then we all chatted like the old times, the kind of atmosphere that was so light and full of love. It’s like I never left at all. I don’t know how I did it, but It was like I felt the love of my family floating towards me with that dream. I saw them smiling at me and like I felt how much they miss me. Then all of a sudden, I woke up with tears pouring from my eyes.

I woke up because of the loud music that was being played from downstairs. But I didn’t mind, because I was thinking about what that dream meant to me. I wiped away my tears, and then it was when I realized that I miss my family now, and how it was back home. I miss the constant nagging of my mom, of her telling me what to do and what not to do. I miss her tone of voice when she’s talking to me, her constant reminders to behave well when I reach Manila, and how she would yell at me when she’s calling me and I won’t answer. I miss my everyday fight with my brother, how simple things would make us feel bad about each other and how we would bang the door at each other’s back to prevent the other from entering the room. I miss how we fought about things like, who gets to have the remote control, or what television show should we watch. I then realized that it was the things I hated, things that I would try to run away from, were the ones that I miss the most.

I love dreaming, because in my dreams I was able to understand the meaning of reality. Dreams let me remember things, events, and people that brought change and meaning in my life. It is in my dreams that I am able to do things that I can’t do in reality. It is here where I am able to be with the persons I want to be with, people I love, I cherish, and I would always remember. Dreams make me realize the real essence of the events that happened to me. This is where I could walk through the sands of time and be where I want to be in just a blink of an eye. It where I am transported to the future and back to the past. It is here that I am reminded of the people I used to be familiar with, people that I had forgotten and hadn’t spoke to for quite some time now. And the reality of being in the real world, I could see only in my dreams.